A First Class Script
by Snow Puff
Summary: Leon’s knack for growing a conscience at the wrong time could quite possibly cause the complete destruction of the free world. Slash, so get over it.
1. Mismo Viejo Cuento

Ah, yes! It's my newest project! (While I'm working on two others…) Be prepared, everyone, for this one's a dozy! And a bit of irony to those who know me and my odd little (get it?) fetish, I accidentally stabbed a steak knife through my hand while I was cooking a few days ago. It hurts like a mother, but I'm on, like, 20 meds so I can hardly feel it. Okay, so that's total B.S. but I really don't care at the moment, as my poor hand is plunged into a champagne cooler filled with ice and I'm slightly high off of my Vicodin. Capcom is good as far as figuring out the sounds that one makes after an injury such as that, though. You can't scream. I don't know what it is, but you just can't. You make a very odd gurgle/gasp sound. The sound itself is painful just to think about… Anyway, let's start the show!

Dedications: To Skarto for reviewing my previous work and (last and most certainly not least) TheHomicidalManiac777 who inspired me to post this and has promised to attack anyone who flames me! 3 Thank you both so much for just being so damn cool.

Disclaimer: Yes, I do own Capcom as a matter of fact!

**Warning: **This is** _slash_** because I'm a twisted little psycho who is convinced that Capcom was secretly pointing at this paring all along. I'm assuming by the title and the summary that you can at least guess who it involves, and if not, you'll just be in for a little (actually, make that pretty damn big) surprise.

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_**A First Class Script**_

Chapter 1: _Mismo Viejo Cuento_ (Same Old Story)

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Pain. White-hot, searing, stabbing, aching, unbelievable pain. It surged through his hand like an electric shock as he shakily turned his head to look at the knife pinning it to the stone wall. Blood oozed out of the wound down his arm as his opponent scoffed at his whimpers.

A group of black tendrils reached around Leon's knife, pulled it out of Salazar's hand, and whipped it back at Leon, who moved out of the way before he was killed by his own knife. A tear fell down Salazar's cheek as he gritted his teeth in an effort to suppress a painful gasp.

Shaking with rage and pain, he gave his faithful bodyguard the orders to kill as he stepped into the elevator alone. "Damn it," Leon mumbled grabbing his knife out of the door, "not another one."

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Upon reaching the ceremonial room, Salazar ripped off the bottom of his coat to turn into a makeshift bandage to wrap around his wounded palm. This task done, he walked toward their hostage and her current guards.

One of Ashley's friends from college had a psychic for a mother and she remembered her friend telling her that Ashley had a talent for seeing the auras of people. Knowing this, her friend gave her this advise: "If you ever see someone with a pitch black aura, run. This shade is present in people who are completely consumed by hate and evil." At the time, Ashley had rolled her eyes at this advise; she didn't believe that there was any person in the world who was totally evil and she definitely didn't believe that she could see people's auras.

She sure as hell believed it now. Salazar was walking toward her with this black… thing swirling around him. She probably would have tried running away if there weren't a pair of monks holding her by the shoulders obediently. She probably would have tried fighting if the monks didn't have crossbows at the ready and if Salazar hadn't used that moment to allow a cluster of brown-ish, pointed tentacles to burst out of his back. Even though Ashley was nearly twice his size, with the tentacles, tattered coat, and blood he looked a lot more foreboding than he did five minutes ago when he left the room.

Ashley clamped her eyes shut and whispered the _Hail Mary_ to herself as Salazar grew closer. "Make sure that she gets to Lord Saddler without so much as a scratch on her."

Ashley was rather shocked by this, she was so certain that she was going to be killed or something. "So, you're not going to kill me?"

"Oh, trust me, pequeña niña," Salazar said facing her, "I would **love** to, but, sadly, my lord would never forgive me if I allowed my anger to get the best of me and ruin his entire plan." Ashley blinked at his logic. "And, plus," Salazar smirked, "there are **several** more things that I would like to do to you before killing you."

"What?" Ashley screamed in an angry panic.

"It's your fault, you know. If you didn't want people hitting on you, than you wouldn't have worn that skirt," Salazar said raising an eyebrow in challenge.

"Excuse me?" Ashley knew that that was how people saw her. She knew that people saw her as an attention seeking whore, but no one had ever said it to her face before. And that was way she started to walk towards him, ready to bitch-slap him into next week and she probably would have if the pair of monks hadn't grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her back.

"Take her to Saddler; I'm certain that he'll get worried if she's not with him soon."

--- ---

"Where the fuck is the liquid nitrogen when you fucking need it?" Leon shouted as he fired another magnum bullet. He dodged the… thing's razor sharp tail as it swung at his neck. Leon franticly looked around for a way to end this battle as quickly as he could and up on a crate he found his way: a rocket launcher. While Leon was momentarily distracted, the creature rushed up to Leon and tried to tear off the human's head. Luckily, Leon was too fast for it; he took another shot with his magnum and ran as fast as he could toward the powerful weapon.

Leon grabbed it off of the crate and spun around as quickly as he could, the thing was practically on top of him. Leon knew that if he fired it, he'd get caught in the explosion as well. Leon started to back up so he'd have enough room to fire when his back hit against a wall. '_Shit_.' The thing whipped its tail at Leon's head and clawed at his arm. Leon ducked the bladed tail but his arm now had a few nasty looking gashes. Luckily, the adrenaline rush stopped Leon from feeling most of the pain in his arm as he ran to the other side of the room and shot the rocket launcher at the hideous monster.

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Salazar leaned against the wall grasping his bloody hand. It throbbed painfully as blood stained the blue silk that he had wrapped around it. '_I need to lie down… So… dizzy…_' His eyelids fluttered slightly as he swayed slowly from side to side. '_Damn… I have to… stay… awake…_' Salazar groaned slightly as he collapsed on the floor.

--- Author's Notes ---

I was actually planning on writing more, but my meds are starting to wear off and my hand's starting to really, really hurt. So, yeah… More drugs and more reviews plz thx.

Peace Out!


	2. Disculpa Extrano

Hola, everyone! It's me, Snow Puff, and I swear to God I'm not dead! A lot of stuff has happened the past few weeks, so you must excuse my lack of updates. But I'm sure that you don't really care about all that. As an interesting P.S. of sorts, I've recently started going on Gaia Online like crazy. If you're ever doing anything on that site, leave me a comment or PM or whatever. (My user name's Yuki Pafu (means 'Snow Puff' in Japanese)) Like any of you honestly give a crap right? You're just waiting to see what happens next. Well too bad, I like torturing you like this. BWAHAHAHA! Eh, fuck it. On with the show!

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_**A First Class Script**_

Chapter 2: _Disculpa Extrano _(Strange Apology)

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Leon was pissed. Not just the normal 'bitch fuck off' pissed. Full-fledged 'where's that bastard? I'll pop a cap in his cracker ass, twitch, twitch, crazy' pissed. Thus far on his little 'adventure' through this crazy-ass castle, Leon had nearly been speared by some blind dude, burnt to a crisp, eaten by a group of monster dogs, speared by a group of spikes on the ground, had his face burnt off by acidic spit that some big-ass cricket had, speared by spikes descending from the ceiling, squished by a pair of giant Lord of the Rings-esque trolls, chopped in half by killer suits of armor, gotten shot at by monks, stepped on by a giant statue, killed in numerous horrid ways by a pair of very ugly body-guards who looked like they belong in the movie 'Alien Vs. Predator', and to top all that off, he'd also gotten harassed by a guy who was half his size.

Leon Scott Kennedy was in **no** mood for any more of Salazar's bullshit. Leon had been waiting for this one moment since he had first heard the castellan speak – Salazar was going to die and quite frankly, Leon would enjoy every single second of it.

Not to say that Leon was a bad person, of course. He was doing his job first and foremost. It was his **job** to kill the annoying little bastard. Was it such a crime if he enjoyed his job so much?

"Strangah!" an easily recognizable voice shouted at him, as Leon walked by.

"Hi, uh… Merchant dude…" '_What's his name anyway?_'

"Where're ya goin' in such a hurray?" Leon was still in 'Die Salazar' mode, and while in said mode, he was in no mood to talk to people or buy things. With all due respect to the Merchant who had helped him out of numerous binds, he really needed to shut the fuck up right now.

"In there," Leon said pointing at the door leading to the only possible place Salazar would be. "So, if you'll excuse me, I need to be go-"

"Strangah, don't underestimate him; he's stronger than you could imagine." Leon raised a disbelieving eyebrow at the Merchant. "Yer gonna need a new gun!"

"**Jesus Christ**! I do **not** need a new gun, you freaky-ass British **nut-job**!" The Merchant's eyes widened in shock and maybe a touch of fear. If Leon had paid attention when his British Lit. class read Alice in Wonderland, he would have realized that the first slightly-strange thing that happened to a person would lead to something that was much stranger all together. If he had paid attention when that same class read Through the Looking Glass, he probably would have compared the door into the ritual room as stepping through the looking glass. Or at the very least he would compare the two afterward.

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Leon wanted Salazar to die, that much he knew. Which completely explained his over-reaction when he saw the younger man in a heap on the ground with tentacles sticking out of the back of his now tattered coat and a small puddle of blood around his hand. Yup, completely explained it.

"Goddamn it!" Leon shouted as he dropped his handgun on the ground as he sprinted forward. '_I'm lucky that didn't go off…_' he grimly thought as he knelt down beside Salazar, checking his pulse as he did so. Weak, practically non-existent. Before freaking himself out, Leon checked his own heartbeat; just as weak. '_Okay, then… I'll blame it on the parasite._'

"Oi!" Leon shouted, giving the smaller man a hard slap across the face. "Wake up, idiot!"

"Aye… Ma cabeza…" Salazar mumbled, rubbing the back of his head gently.

"You're lucky that your goofy hat broke your fall, or you'd have more than just a bad head-ache," Leon said, confusing himself in the process. '_This guy's the **enemy**! I wanted to kill him about five seconds ago. Why am I talking to him like we're old college buddies?_' He mentally chose to blame it on the parasite again and grabbed the castellan by the arm and hoisted him to his feet. "Damn, dude; loose some weight…"

"Shut up…" The order was half hearted and followed by a squeak-like sound as Leon pulled Salazar's injured hand under one of his arms, pinning it. "Aye! Largar!"

"I'm not letting go!" Leon shouted trying to grab a can of First Aide Spray off his belt with his free hand.

Salazar wrapped a few of his tentacles around the arm Leon was using to grab the aerosol can filled with healing fluid and wrapped one around the blonde's neck as a crude threat. "Let go of me. Now."

"Jesus! I'm just trying to fix your hand!" Salazar's grip relaxed as Leon sent a glare his way.

"You could have just told me that!"

"You never gave me a chance to!" Leon sprayed the can on Salazar's pale left hand. "There you go," he mumbled releasing Salazar's thin arm. The younger man flexed his fingers, staring at his hand with a piercing golden gaze. "Try not to use it too much for the next few days…"

"Mister Kennedy," Salazar said, turning to face Leon, "I grow very weary of your false kindness. If you're going to kill me, just do it."

"Who said that I was being false, huh?" Leon said, combing a hand through his hair while sitting down on the stone floor.

"The fact that **you** were the one who gave me this wound in the first place."

"Look! I didn't have to heal you, ya know? For once, could you just stop being an insufferable little brat and be thankful! It's no real mystery why the villagers never liked you with an attitude like yours! You know what? There are people in worse off positions than yours! You live in a **castle**, for Christ's sake! You get to do basically whatever the fuck you want to! And you know what else? If you weren't such a miserable shut-in you would probably realize how good you have it! I mean honestly – "

Salazar rolled his eyes and walked up to the babbling idiot, who was still ranting about something or another. The castellan leaned in and planted a kiss on his enemy's lips. "You talk far too much, Mister Kennedy."

--- Author's Notes ---

Giggle. Twitch. Explodes. Maniac laughter.

I might have enjoyed this chapter a touch too much. (lol that rhymes!) Anyway, y'all know what to do. That's the end of chapter two. Please review. And I'm through with all of you. (lol more rhymes!)

Peace Out!


	3. Susto

Holy shit. This chapter was loooooooong over due. Sorry guys I just honestly haven't had much time to write because of all kinds of stressful things that have been driving me absolutely crazy. So, I figured writing something slashy will help calm my nerves. Meh. Hopefully it'll work.

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_**A First Class Script**_

Chapter 3: _Susto (Shock)_

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Leon's eyes widened. His breath quickened. His mouth dropped open. He stared blankly ahead at Salazar's slowly retreating form. He gave his eyelids the permission to blink and his lips the permission to try to find the words he was looking for, but before he spoke the ones he found, he quickly touched a hand to his lips to make sure that had actually just happened. It had. "Wha-Wha-What the hellwas **that **Salazar?" Leon shouted, getting up from his sitting position.

The castellan turned around and tilted his head slightly, looking like he was seriously pondering the answer. "…Uno beso, I believe… And I'm fairly certain we now know each other well enough that you can just call me 'Ramon'." Salazar didn't bother hiding the sarcasm in his voice.

"Oh. Okay then **Ramon**," Leon said, his anger building with every word. "As long as you just call me Leon rather than Meestaar Keeneedee."

The smaller man growled and his eyes narrowed into a very nasty golden glare. "Say one more word, I dare you." Salazar's voice was dripping pure venom.

"One more word," Leon said, the sarcasm and his smart-ass attitude evident in his voice. Salazar ran at the American, the intent to kill written all over his face. Leon used his size to his advantage, however, picking up the Spaniard and pinning him to a wall.

"Get off of me!" Ramon said, struggling against Leon's tight hold on him.

Leon leaned in dangerously close to the younger man and gently whispered in his ear, "You forget, I happen to be a little bit stronger than you, so you're in no position to be making any orders."

"Well, well, well…" A low, sultry voice said. Without even looking, both men recognized the owner of the voice.

"L-Lord Saddler this –" Salazar stammered.

"Completely isn't what it looks like," Leon said, finishing his thought.

"Oh? What is it then?" Saddler said, amused by their denial. Leon and Salazar exchanged a short glance trying to tell if the other had any idea on what to say, however the results were not quit as promising as they had hoped.

"**Leon**! **What** in the world were you doing?" Ashley screamed, causing one of the monks guarding her to put a hand up to his ear in pain.

"I'm taking care of the enemy, Ashley."

"**That's** a hell of a way to take care of an enemy, comrade," a bemused and very familiar voice said.

"Oh lord…" Leon sighed. "And here I was thinking this situation couldn't get any worse. Apparently, I was wrong."

"I recall a very similar situation between you and I… Only _you_ were the one pushed up against a wall that time," Krauser said with a chuckle, walking towards Leon.

"Get the fuck away from me," Leon growled, setting Salazar back on the ground.

"I suggest," the pale boy started, "that we all retire for the night. And we can discuss our… Situation in the morning…" His statement ended in a glance at Leon and a small blush.

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Yeah I know. Short chapter; I'm so sorry. I just really haven't had any chance to write or brainstorm so I'll blame it on that. I love you all, please don't think I'm dead. I'll make the next update sooner, I promise.

Peace Out!


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